3 x "W" [dot] kitqat [dot] com.

~fin~

this blog is now officially closed. leave me a message for my new adress. but before I go....

Here we explore the concept of blame, and the psychology of victimhood.

Blame is the personal narcotic. It is a drug that ravages its habitual user, it is extremely addicting, and there is never blame in short supply.

First, the appeal of blame. It is easy to assign blame, especially to an external, uncontrollable source. Once assigned, the assignee embraces the role of victimhood. Now, they merely relax, give up, succumb to the numbing sensation that those things where the blame has been externally assigned are beyond their control.

This is much easier than taking control themselves, making a change, or doing what should be done.

There may be instances where legitimately events may be beyond control; even in these cases those who are habitually addicted to blame react differently than those who are not. The victims, the blame-a-holics, view these events as a confirmation of their fatalistic world view. The rest deal, and move on.

This mentality is often found in dealing with interpersonal relationships. Things go awry, and the parties invariably begin to blame each other. Often, there is ample reason to blame the other party. Well-meaning friends console them to “not blame themselves.” Clearly, it can be unhealthy to dwell upon one’s own faults, but are they truly blameless?

Accepting that they have no role in the ill that befalls them robs them of the chance to improve themselves. In times, with practice, it becomes easy to become someone blameless, always ready to assign the shortcomings of their own lives to nebulous “others”.

In so doing, they relinquish the control of their lives. They agree that since there is nothing to be done, they attempt to do nothing. Our days slip by them, and they cease to grow, except, perhaps, more bitter.

When faced with these habitual victims, it’s often difficult to know how to deal with them. On the one hand, when there is friendship involved, the easier course is often to agree with them– to allow them to believe that others are to be blamed, and they are right. In the guise of support, this is often a great disservice. Once they’ve formed the basis and habit for externalizing their own faults, they cease to improve as human beings. To facilitate such horrible injury seems counter to the ideals of friendship.

Unfortunately, what tends to happen is that these people eventually flock together. They “support” each other, and take turns being victims to one another, lamenting the sad state of their lives. There is value to belonging, and feeling wanted, but the long term effect of this kind of victimhood leads to long-term self-esteem problems.

Sadly, these individuals pass on these twisted ideals to their children. These children learn that their shortcomings need not be addressed internally, but that the world at large is to blame. They begin life failing to accept the responsibilities of their own limits, often in the misguided attempts by their habitual-victim parents to instill a sense of “self-esteem” in their children– self-esteem the parental figures often lack.

Undoing longterm blame-addiction is like undoing any other addiction. First, there must be the admission of an addiction. It is such a comfortable things, and seemingly harmless, that personal impetus to accept such a fault is difficult in coming.

The next steps merely involve assigning the correct amount of any blame on internal sources. The knee-jerk reaction to immediately blame others must be checked. Sure, others may still be at fault, but what have we done that could have facilitated that? Now, how do we address it in the future? What have we learned? How can we use this to become a better person…

Luckily, once the first step is complete, the following steps are much easier, and show an immediate reward– empowerment over one’s life, and a start towards reversing the evil of habitual victimhood.

Boo, no one commented on my Statement of Purpose except Lisa (ty dear) - oh well; it's done, and it has the Jason Lynch stamp of approval, so out the door it goes. Getting all the paperwork together for my credential application is a major pain in and of itself. Almost done, just waiting on my transcripts, my resume, and letters of recommendation. Darn, I should have gotten those first.

I'm hungry and sleepy and feeling lazy -- have to study for my U.S. Constitution exam, but man, I feel lazy! Taking a break from trying to get on task. I realized that some people actually read my blog, so I will try to update more frequently and let you know the inner workings of my very complex mind.... thank you, Jmi, for your birthday wishes -- I realize my thanks is late, but I didn't know how else to reach you, so here it is, for the whole world to see - I Thank You. Hah! I just remembered your birthday just passed (yesterday) so happy birthday to you, too!

Be warned, my fair friends, I will be relocating to my own little blogworld on wordpress. xanga is dead, and I am leaving these lands! Send me a comment, and I will gladly send you the url when it is available.

In other news: I have been idle lately. Less exercise until I get used to the cold, daylight savings, more work hours, and finish my constitution exam. And eat. I am hungry. When I get idle, I start thinking -- my brain starts working overtime about things that don't matter - I get self-conscious and reclusive, and I start dealing with my personal insecurities. I get weird. And weird people by themselves... it's not healthy. So anyways, I had an episode with Jason the other night when I reverted back to my bloodthirsty 3 years ago self -- not a pretty sight -- and just exploded into a million bloody stars (key word today: blood) and nothing made sense and the whole world was just whirling around me like I was on a carousel from hell (only it was playing the WSG theme... scary, huh?) Anyways, enough stream of consciousness crap.

Now today, I am behaving very much like my well-adjusted self  (except I wore a pink shirt and boots to work today. Go fig). I realized that I fell back into my old ways recently, with all the nasty little habits I always tried to avoid. Sick what happens to yourself when you're not watching -- only that's the very thing, I was watching myself. Therein lies the problem. Me, me, me. Always about me. I want this, I think this, I need to get this done, I'm hungry (really, I am). I haven't thought about much else (pvp). I feel empty and purposeless.

I'd been reading a book Drexelle gave me for my birthday (oddly, the last present she gave to me before we parted ways), and despite the unsophisticated writing style and trite story line, I like it. And just thinking of it now reminded me of what I need most: THE LORD (in large, bold-face letters for emphasis). I have been so unfocused on God lately, and it's taken it's toll. I think I needed to be broken down like this to realize it; that's always the case. I feel restored when I read books about Him, or just tune my stupid car radio to the Fish on the way home from work So empty, even the superficial stuff is like wine to my parched, spiritual throat (although doesn't wine make you thirstier? I digress...) I have been so proactiv (like the face cream) about so many other things, and yet so lazy about the thing, the One, that matters most. I am going to write a goals list and get through everything. Or as much as is understandably possible. I must be bold, and serve God before all else, especially myself. Any prayers you can offer, loyal readers, would be most appreciated. It is still hard to write publicly what I think in the deepest, most private corners of my mind.

Thank you for those who have set good examples for me -- normal, everyday people that don't even know me have changed the way I think about many things. You will be in my prayers.

And so, off I go, to do God's work as best I can, starting with my homework -- it's all about the little things.

"What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -- Valerie, V for Vendetta

Help help, I need your help!

Internet has been down for a few days, but we just got it fixed. I need people to read my Statement of Purpose and then consider the following. Everyone's feedback is welcome and will be appreciated, I'm sure. Boring post, but I promise to throw in a special treat @ the end....

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Oh boy, what a long month...

Jason, me, Tommy, Steph, Julie, and Giang birthdays.

Lotsa parties. Lotsa crazy late nights out and having a good time. I am fortunate to be surrounded by many good folks.

Right now, Mom and Dad are on another trip. The food Mom prepared has already gone bad. The refrigerator sprung a leak, and I have not done my laundry in so many days, I can't even remember when I had clean clothes :) I just finished watching 2 episodes of "House of Carters"... have I hit some kind of all time low? Maybe not as bad as the summer I spent watching "Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds".

Suffice to say, I have way too much time on my hands... but being this relaxed feels good. I am happy to relax for awhile, though I am anxious to get back to work. Next week, I am going to finish (start!) my application for the credential program. Get my letters of recommendation going. I am a lazy bum.

Thanks, Jake, for your birthday wishes. I had something like three or four birthday celebrations, and each one of them included good food, and better people. I am very happy. Today, I might exercise. I am definitely going to pay bills, and do my laundry.

*hums*

So lately, I've been inspired to be GI Quinn. Because I have so much time, I have dedicated myself to becoming all that I can be -- in every sphere of my existence (except in WOW -- I still live for recreational PvP; raiding is still the sux0rs). So I cleanse, and preen, and clean my room, and try to help out around the house. Log in more hours at work. Baby steps. There are still some areas which are extremely weak -- I haven't been able to commit to church, and my bible studies are still random and unfocused. I know I have a lot to offer, but my potential is wasted because... well... I am a lazy bum. Perhaps this phenomenon has only come about because I have so much time, and nothing to do (it's Tuesday morning; weekly WOW maintenance so I don't even have that mindless task at my fingertips)... no homework, temporarily no parents, Jason is at work, friends are at school/work. It's hard some days, but I've been able to push myself for almost 3 weeks now -- consistency was never my friend, so I am proud of my small achievement.

Other vague thoughts that plague my mind: I am far too introspective and nostalgic. I spend a lot of time thinking (not so much writing, anymore). I think about my friends and about my life for the last 3 or 4 years, since that's all that really matters now anyways. I think ahead about 3 or 4 years too. Mostly, I think of my friends and loved ones.... and then I go, "Hey, who are my friends?" Friends I have but a few, and the number grows even smaller when I really think about it. Then you have to start thinking about what constitutes as a friend. I think I am done with superficial friendships -- the people you know, and you smile at and chat with at parties, but really have no idea who they are anymore, or what they're doing with their lives. It's not a question of affection - I can like you well enough without being your friend, or you being mine. I've been thinking a lot of the company I keep lately... and I wonder, if I asked some of them "What makes you my friend?", what they would be able to say for themselves. I hope that I could answer that question well for those that I care about. My emotions are bound to histories, but the past is not the present, and so people I was friends with years ago might not be so anymore. There are few that I care enough about to try to maintain/regain a deeper relationship with... but I suppose, it all depends on my mood. Right now, I don't care. It's a two way street, isn't it?  

Well, that was beautiful mental vomit.  <-- that's the patented "whatevah" Xanga face. Fitting, isnt it?